


Fuck You Joker

by Venomed



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Gen, Heavy Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm not super sure if Tim is being an unreliable narrator, Maybe - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Unreliable Narrator, fuck timelines, the timeline is jacked up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 13:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13741692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venomed/pseuds/Venomed
Summary: It's been 1 week, since his 3-week vacation (Tim snorts a little at the phrase) with him. He thinks he’s been coping well, if he ignores the small voice in the back of his head he affectionately named JJ.





	Fuck You Joker

Tim’s not sure.

Not sure of what? He’s not even fucking sure of what he’s not sure of.

It has been approximately—

Tim looks down at the cheap, digital watch and clicks the date button.

600000 seconds.

1000 minutes.

7 days.

1 week.

Since his 3-week vacation (Tim snorts a little at the phrase) with _him_. He thinks he’s been coping well, if he ignores the small voice in the back of his head he _affectionately_ named JJ. Tim isn’t insane, he knows the voice is himself, it doesn’t have sentient thought. It’s just a mass of paranoia that hasn’t left his brain, and the mass took form as a voice. He – JJ – likes to whisper little, shitty things (he’s going to come back, run, run, run, r—). Tim isn’t stupid enough to listen.

Tim is stupid enough to listen. Sometimes. When the small voice suddenly turns big and there’s chemical green in his vision, blood in his mouth, fire in his veins. When he feels like there’s ants crawling under his skin and he’s tainted because his skin is whiter than it should be and was his hair always this green and there’s acid coming out of his throat, there’s acid in his veins, there’s acid behind his eyes, acid, acid, acid, acid—

So, when Timothy Drake decides to be stupid for 5 seconds, the 5 seconds feel like 5 ~~years~~ ~~centuries~~ millennium. When Tim listens to JJ, he ends up with his back against his bedroom door, sobbing and laughing. The door is locked and he’s alone in the mostly-darkness. There’s a lamp on his desk that’s still on. It’s comforting. Bruce and Dick know better than to follow him when he disappears into his bedroom. Alfred likes to leave cookies outside the door though, and that makes him feel better.

JJ likes to force giggles out of him when his emotions are overwhelming. Tim has to choke them down, literally. He shoves his fist into his mouth and ignores his stinging eyes, focusing on breathing through his nose. When the laughing has died down and his hand is covered in saliva, there’s an upward twitch of his lips. His shaking hands are gross now and he washes them more than he should. He can tell by how raw, cracked, and dry the skin is.

Alfred gave him hand moisturizer that smells faintly of vanilla. He’s a saint.

JJ doesn’t say much about Alfred. Tim thinks he knows that he can trust him. That Tim can trust him. Because JJ is Tim and why the hell is Tim blaming this stupid voice in the back of his head for everything? JJ isn’t even a proper voice.

He sounds kind of like Tim, but when his voice is scratchy from lack of use (or when he’s been screaming for days on end). Rough around the edges.

It’s been a month now and JJ is still there, although his voice isn’t completely unwelcome now. He’s still paranoid as all hell. He mentions Batman a few (dozen) times. Tim isn’t certain what exact words he’s saying. Sometimes JJ is scared that Tim will be replaced. Sometimes he’s scared that Tim will be back into the field and this shit will happen all over again.

That _he_ will come back from the dead. Or that _she_ will finish the job.

That thought and the thought of coming back to the field paralyzes Tim. Tim is terrified, he’s back with him, there’s tubes and a needle under the skin of his forearm, there’s chemicals being pumped into him, laughing gas, mild poisons, cleaning chemicals.

Tim also longs to go back. To swing from rooftop to rooftop, feel the sting of asphalt when he doesn’t land correctly. To help people.

_How can you help others if you can’t help yourself?_

_Gotham is broken, you’re_ _broken. Fix yourself first._

_Daddy will fix you, make you all better._

_(HAHAHAHAHAHA)_

Jason Peter Todd, the 2nd Robin, the Red Hood. He likes to visit, despite their earlier altercations. He likes to tell him stories, from Before and After. He told Tim about what happened between the Before and After.

Tim likes it when he visits. JJ doesn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> I  
> Like angst, hate me for this, I'm prepared.
> 
> Was also procrastinating my other writing so, killing two birds with one crowbar.  
> Too soon?


End file.
